


The Path Laid Before You

by wayfindering



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Acephobia, Angst, Aromantic, Asexuality, Gen, LGBTQ, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Rage, Self-Discovery, acearo sora, allosexuals only wish they were that powerful, asexual rageform, bby queers just tryin to help each other figure out the world, gay riku, rageform sora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 12:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20528093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayfindering/pseuds/wayfindering
Summary: He'd always known who he was. Sora, the knight in shining armour. Making friends and slaying dragons and saving princesses. And, someday, marrying one.But more and more, lately, the second someone mentioned dating--or Kairi--or anything--he was filled with dread.Agitated. Angry.Dark.





	The Path Laid Before You

**Author's Note:**

> in which ace/aro sora is at his limit with allonormativity and induces a new rage form, but also has no idea what asexuality is and why he feels this way.
> 
> based off this headcanon: https://twitter.com/mochakawa1/status/1169022114759942144?s=19

The first time it happened, Sora was hanging out on the training grounds with Roxas.

"How about you fuck off and leave me alone!" Sora shouted, black smoke streaming from his mouth.

He didn't notice the smoke at first, and by the time he did it was too late. Sora only had time for a brief gasp before the creeping darkness filled his lungs and stole his breath. It spread from his chest up his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut as if that could possibly stop it now. In moments it crawled out of his mouth to chase the smoke, the taste of fear and pain raging sweet on his tongue.

Inky sludge consumed him, eating away at every corner and inch of his being until it tainted him blue-black even to the fingertips poking through his gloves. His last coherent thought was a plea that he not harm his friends before the swirling madness took him.

When Sora opened his eyes again, they shone a deadly purple. It wasn't the calming lavender hue of daybreak; you couldn't compare it to amethysts or violets. Something angry and hurting and  _ fed up _ burned in those eyes--something straight from Sora's soul as if his own crimson blood stained the crystal clear blue.

A feral growl tore its way out of his throat and Sora fled, slinking and inhuman like a shadow made real. He was still himself enough to keep from attacking anyone, even the one who'd upset him this much.

Roxas was left looking down at his own outstretched hand, unsure if he really had the guts to draw his keyblade on Sora. Was that  _ rage form? _ All he'd asked was if Sora had a date to the Christmas party yet.

By the time Sora found his way to his bedroom, the rage had worn off. Nobody else had seen him, so he didn't have to worry about answering questions for at least a little while. He shoved his chair out of the way and curled himself up under his desk where it felt safe, hugging his legs, burying his face in his knees.

He'd always known who he was. Sora, the knight in shining armour. Making friends and slaying dragons and saving princesses. And, someday, marrying one.

Everyone expected it to be Kairi--she was a real princess, too. Even Sora expected that to happen. Someday, when he grew up and felt something for her.

And--and he  _ wanted _ that. Sora couldn't wait to finally grow up and live the life he'd been prepared to live for years.

But more and more, lately, the second someone mentioned dating--or Kairi--or anything--he was filled with dread. Agitated. Angry.

Why was he so angry all the time?

Why was he angry about  _ this? _

Angry enough for a rage form. After the first time, it happened more often. Two weeks went by and Sora found himself caught between anxious and furious as he tried to just live everyday life.

Anything was a trigger. All his friends had started dating, experimenting, now that they were free. It was miserable, a constant reminder of what everyone expected from him. He was falling behind. They were  _ leaving _ him behind.

Even Kairi had gone out a few times now, though hearing that news was the one time Sora had felt nothing but relief.

Sora couldn't hang out with almost anyone these days; he couldn't even stop in and see most of his friends on other worlds. Just hearing about them and their romances and their fairy tales and their happy endings made him sick to his stomach.

Luckily, he hadn't hurt anyone yet, but he'd come close the day Naminé had started everyone talking about kissing. He only barely made it out of the room before smashing a window.

He didn't  _ want _ to be a rage monster. He didn't want to be struggling to deal with the darkness in his heart. Everyone knew Sora was having trouble with his rage form, now, but he let them think it was random; after all, what could he tell them?

That he didn't know how to be normal and feel normal things? That something was wrong with him? That even so, he didn't  _ want  _ to fix it? That he didn't want to "grow up?"

He was so  _ furious _ that they wouldn't just let him live his life in peace. Why weren't friends enough? Why did they throw that in his face?

Why couldn't he figure out who he was supposed to  _ be? _

The spot under his desk became his usual hangout and the chair had taken up permanent residence at the end of his bed. It was childish, maybe, but he didn't care. Apparently everything he did was childish.

The only other one who had seen him like this--crying hot, bitter tears in the wake of his rage form, still leaking black smoke, tucked away under a piece of furniture--had been Riku.

Riku, the only one who never seemed to be fazed by anything or demanded much of him. Riku, the one he'd snapped at today for the first time. Riku hadn't even said anything; he'd just been the first one to step out of the dining room where Sora had overheard him and Roxas...well. It had been surprising and then, as usual, infuriating.

Sora should probably tell Riku he was fine but he didn't want to talk about it. Any of it. It was still a reminder of what everyone  _ demanded _ he become.

It didn't come as much of a surprise when Riku's boots stepped through Sora's door after the sound of a cursory knock. The desk cut off the rest, but Sora could see a hint of plaid.

Riku settled himself on the floor in front of the desk, his height meaning he still had to duck to make eye contact. Sora rubbed at his eyes and settled his chin on his knees, watching the little plumes of shadow waft up around him, waiting.

It was either that or demand what Riku wanted and he figured he'd been angry enough for the moment.

"Just checking to see if you're okay," Riku said softly.

The silence stretched. Sora didn't answer. He wasn't.

"I can guess at what's going on. I don't think anyone else is even close," Riku said after a minute, "but I've known you too long. And in all that time, there's something I don't think I've ever told you, Sora. As your best friend, it's kind of my job."

"What's that?" Sora mumbled into his knees, curiosity piqued enough to take the bait.

"That it's okay to just be you, whether you know who that is yet or not." Riku was sincerely matter-of-fact, like always. It was familiar and comforting and Sora felt a spot of tension ease between his shoulder blades.

He kept going. "It's okay to want to find things out about yourself, and to need help, and to take a different path than the one laid before you. It's okay to not want to date a specific person, or kind of person, or to not want to date at all, ever."

Riku's voice got a little hesitant, then, and Sora leaned forward, something like hope blossoming in his chest for the first time in months. It mixed with desperation and pushed out of him as words. He needed confirmation.

"Everyone--" Sora managed, swallowing down a new lump in his throat, "everyone wants me to grow up. But I  _ am _ grown up. This is just me."

Riku nodded, gesturing vaguely at the doorway. "I'm...learning a lot about things like that, right now. About how love means more than one thing. About being...different...than people expect you to be. Especially when it comes to relationships."

Sora let the words hang for a moment. The coiled, festering knot in his chest unwound a little.

"No matter what anyone tells you, you're not abnormal. However you feel, you're right--you're just you."

His friend's confidence struck a chord in Sora. He wanted it to be true. Maybe it could be. But, their friends...

"What about everyone else?" he ventured. "They…"

"They don't know they're being insensitive and closed-minded. We're gonna have to teach them, I think. But if they still won't understand, they're not your friends."

_ Not _ his friends? Sora wasn't sure he'd ever lost a friend like that. He looked down at the floor and traced the dim outline of his rug, Riku's foot resting on the edge nearest him.

"But I think sometimes people surprise you," Riku finished, eyes and voice gone soft. He shifted forward and nudged Sora's shoe with his boot. "It's a lot to think about. If you wanna talk more, or...I've...got some books I could loan you; there's a lot more people who feel like that. Just come find me. Whatever you need. Okay? It's stupid that the world works this way and it's okay to be angry. Darkness is a part of life as much as light. But you're not alone, in anything, not anymore. Don't forget."

"Yeah," Sora whispered faintly, not quite able to look up.

He barely noticed Riku standing up, his door opening and closing with a creak, footsteps receding down the hallway.

A few last tendrils of inky fog swirled up from Sora's arms and he sat back, curling his palm open on top of his knees. When the last one filtered up, he closed his hand around it and held it tight.

_ Not alone...other people who feel like that...normal… _

He'd known it was everyone else who sucked, but hearing Riku say it...helped. It made sense of the tangled thoughts and laid them out and gave them a  _ direction. _

He was still angry--he might always be angry, for all he knew. But the rage was dull, for now, in the back of his mind. He could learn to control it, use it. Live with it. Sora found a little of his old optimism returning.

Everything  _ was _ changing, and it still hurt. But there was a way forward from that. He loved his friends, and he was sure they loved him. They'd have to understand, once he did. He had Riku, and he had resources, apparently.

Most of all, Sora knew who he was. He wasn't a knight on a quest for a damsel, he wasn't a hormonal teenager, and he wasn't anyone's romantic prince charming.

Sora opened his hand again and in place of darkness, swirling specks of light floated out, dancing around one another before they faded into the air.

He was just  _ himself. _

**Author's Note:**

> look also everyone is queer as hell so when sora comes out as ace/aro and riku comes out as gay and roxas as the flaming bisexual who made him realise it, they slowly find out and it's great okay.


End file.
